Chapter Fourteen

“And up and hold,” Dixie instructed, as Nicky held the position. “And down.”

God, this was awkward, she thought for the forty second time in less than fifteen minutes.

Dixie had vowed to treat Nicky like she normally did, but was finding that difficult in light of Javier’s confession the evening before. She still wasn’t sure she believed it entirely, but she had no reason not to believe it.

And the dynamic between herself and Nicky had been… different the last few weeks. When they were at Gamble Ranch, yes he was…what was the word Javier used? Reticent. Nicky was definitely reticent at first, but…

But after a while, he loosened up, he talked to her, and they’d had a nice few moments here and there, Dixie thought, thinking back to those few minutes in front of the bonfire when they had shared a blanket and a comfortable silence, even though her heart was pounding at being so close to him…

But now… everything was different now. This supposed knowledge from Javier tinged her opinion of Nicky, though she tried not to let it do so. And, ever since the tour had started, really, Nicky had been… cool towards her.

Not mean, not hateful, just…chilly.

No more banter, no more teasing, no more mindless conversations,  just...

Condemnation?

Is that what she saw in his eyes whenever they crossed paths here at the tracks?

Or is that what she saw when they crossed paths and she was with Javier?

She couldn’t be sure.

All she knew for sure is that whatever comfortable ground they had found between them at the ranch and before the tour started seemed to have evaporated into a puff of smoke.

And she kind of hated that.

No, she really hated that, she mentally amended to herself.

“Do you just want to quit for today?” Dixie barked as Nicky gave her a halfhearted arm raise.

“No.”

“Then what’s going on?” She demanded, hands on her hips. “In fact, what’s up with you lately? We used to joke and tease a little during your sessions. We used to, I don’t know, at least talk. Lately you’re all cold and controlled, no banter, no smiling, no nothing. I know we weren’t exactly besties before, but I thought we were friends, not trainer and emotionless automaton. Lately, you’ve been looking at me like I’m dirt on the bottom of your shoe. Want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Too bad, because we’re gonna,” Dixie said, her voice full of determination her hands still on her hips, her stance wide and defiant.

“Leave it, Dixie,” Nicky said, straightening up and fixing her with a steely gaze. “Leave me alone. I don’t need a therapy session from you today. Or possibly ever.”

“You need someone to kick your whiny ass, is what you need. And it seems to be that after watching you on the circuit these last few weeks, you need some friends. Or an attitude adjustment. Or maybe both. Everyone is happy, but you… I can’t figure you out. You’re living the perfect life, but you walk around like… I don’t know, like you hate being you. Don’t you know how lucky you are? How many guys would kill to be in your position?”

“I don’t hate myself, or hate being here. Hell, I’m grateful every day. I just…” Nicky ran a hand through his hair in frustration, making it stick up in blond spikes. “I don’t have your happy knack to just chat with people, to just bond with them. I leave that to the Javiers of the world,” he said on a sneer.

“Is that what this is about? Are you jealous of Javier?” Dixie barked. “Do we need to talk about Javier?”

Nicky scoffed loudly. “Um, no. I pity anyone who would be envious of him.”

“Don’t,” Dixie demanded, holding up a hand. “Don’t run him down, not to me. You know we’re seeing each other. So, just... don’t.”

“I do know that, and Dixie…” Nicky sighed, debating what to say to her. “It’s been nearly impossible for me to bite my tongue, but just… be careful. He’s not a good guy, Dixie. He’s not, and I’m afraid you are going to get hurt.”

“I doubt that. And considering the way you’ve been treating me lately, I’m surprised you give a shit at all about me,” Dixie shot back.

I do, of course I do..” Nicky stammered. “I… I care about you, okay? More than you think. And I’m afraid that Javier doesn’t, not the way you want him to.”

“At least he treats me like a lady, treats me with respect. He listens to me, he wants to spend time with me, he…”

“Just… be careful,” Nicky interrupted her, cutting her off before she could enumerate any more of his traits. “And any man who didn’t want to spend every minute with you or treat you like a lady is an idiot, and that’s the god’s truth.”

Dixie’s jaw dropped but before she could retort, Nicky slung a towel across his neck and stalked away. “Have a safe flight back,” he said over his shoulder, leaving her standing there, totally confounded.

**

Nicky really wanted to punch something.

But punching usually led to hand injury, and when you relied on your hands to drive, it wasn’t a good idea.

He’d learned that one the hard way after punching a brick wall after a particularly brutal AMA race a few years back.

That’s a lesson that sunk in, he mused.

Instead, he was sitting in his coach, brooding, knowing that even now Dixie was on her way to the airport, thinking he hated her.

He didn’t hate her.

Far from it.

He knew he’d been acting sullen and bratty, but the sad fact was, he was falling for his trainer, and didn’t seem humanly able to process those feelings in a productive or even sane way.

Because he was an idiot.

And because she was with the Spaniard.

Ugh.

Javier De Costa was a lot of things – a good rider, a good schmoozer, a good advocate for the sport – but he wasn’t a gentleman, he wasn’t a friend, and he wasn’t a one-woman man.

Nicky knew that for sure.

He didn’t want Dixie to get hurt, by Javier or by anyone else.

He couldn’t stop thinking about her – he couldn’t.

Nicky knew all the signs were there – he was crazy about her. He liked her laugh, the way she talked a mile a minute to get him to warm up, her quiet command of situations, and her easiness when it came to conversation.

Normally around women, especially beautiful women, he got tongue tied and stupid.

Dixie was different.

She made him feel like he was worth more than a ridership; made him feel like he had things to say, to share with her.

And when she smiled at him… god, his stomach just dropped when she gave him that wide smile…

He knew he was crap at relationships, as his past track record proved. He was okay for a while, but then…

He always broke it off, before he could get hurt.

He didn’t need therapy to know it must stem from the abandonment of his family by his mother when he was little, by his need to step up and grow up at such a young age.

It didn’t lend a lot of trust to a guy just beginning to grow up.

Not to mention having his heart broken a few times along the way by women cheating on him, or not being able to roll with his lifestyle, which obviously wasn’t going to change for the next few years, unless he got hurt or got dead.

And he was hoping not to do neither of those things for a while.

“God, I’m so fucked up,” Nicky said out loud, speaking to no one at all, his voice echoing around the empty coach.

Why did he have to be so stupid? So shy? So unable to be all smooth and tell a girl, ‘hey I like you, let’s go out’.

How hard was that?

Instead, he got stupid and shy.

He knew he had intimacy issues, but Dixie seemed to be breaking through them all, and now… now he wanted her as much more than a trainer or colleague.

He just wanted her, all for himself.

And she only had eyes for De Costa.

God, life was unfair.

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